Okay maybe with any luck this will actually be the time I can start my blogging again and stay with it for a while lol. First of all in reguards to my previous post about my mom, I wantedto thank everyone for all of the love and support you gave me. It all meant alot to me. And as of now my mom is doing fine.Shes actually been nice,but lets not count on that lasting forever...lol...it never does.

Im kinda excited tonight because ive decided tis time for me to go back to work. Staying home 24-7 is killing me,and its really taken alot out of me. I never feel good anymore and im usually feeling depressed. The reason I havent worked in so long is because of the boys being so little. I figured my place was here at home with them. Now they are both alot older (10 and 6) and both in school. Which will be starting back up next month. So I feel like its time for me to go back out into the world and claim my position again lol. Not that im looking for a perfect job or a fancy job. Just something to get me out of the house,occupy my mind,and bring in some much needed extra cash.

So ive been filling out applications and talking to different places.And in this small town it all boils down to "having a excellent college education" which I dont have. Or settling for factory work. I have no problem with factory work,but ive got my sights set on a part time job at the motel where Joe works. It would work out perfectly for all of us with the hours. And the pay isnt bad either. I was told that I could actually move up to a possible managment position in mere months if I stuck with it. And since Joe has been working there for over 11 years and is the night shift manager,they are really talking good to me about the whole deal. I go in the morning to talk to them again. Okay so cleaning motel rooms is no fantasy job lol. But if in a few months I could sit on my behind and hire and fire the maids and basically just monitor thier work...thats great with me.

And with the money Joe and I together would bring home each week,our financial problems would not be problems for long. We talked about it tonight and figured it all up,and what he makes alone pays the bills. My money would be extra spending money and of course to help get us back on our feet for a change.

Its odd how being a full time wife and mommy for so long can put you in the frame of mind,that this type of job actually excites you lol. But it isnt the money....Joe has even told me I dont have to work unless I just want to...But im more than ready to break these chains and get away from the same ole. I know id feel better,and my nerves wouldnt bother me so bad. Thinking about it I know that being stuck in the house day after day week afet week is not good. Ican tell my health has suffered alot just from doing nothing. So this is something im doing for me....

Wish me luck...

I meant to start posting regularly again....But right when I got back in the swing of things,wouldnt you know my mom started her crap again...I really dont think the woman is ever going to just let me go....Every so often she goes off on one of her trips and cusses and screams,and tells me how worthless I am....You know when I was a teenager living at home I got use to this stuff...In fact it was more natural than not....But now that Im grown,married,kids,own house ect...when she does this it always seems to hit twice as hard than it use to...The bad thing about her recent behavior was that the kids and Joe and my dad was all right there to watch and hear her whole event....Plus most of the neighborhood...When she was done all I could do was drop my head and crawl off...She really knows how to reach deep inside and jerk out whatever pride and self esteem I manage to build up....I've came to the conclusion that it just isnt ever going to get any better...My mom is just never going to respect me or treat me like a human being...To her im always going to be so far beneath her..never good enough...And of course when she pulls these stunts,it brings back aot of painful memories that I fight so hard to keep buried away and never think about....Latley when the kids are in bed and Joe is at work and im here all alone...All I do is think and remember and even though its been so many years ago...It still hurts just like it was yesturday....And even though she knows how much her actions hurt me...it seems like she takes some sort of pride in doing it.I'll never understand why she does these things to me....or why she was so hard on me when I was growing up....All I really know is that I really wish it would just stop....But who am I kidding...I can avoid her...not call...not visit...just ignore her and she'll still get to me....even if she has to send a message to me by someone else or call me and blast me the second I pick up the phone or better yet..come knock on the door and start....Im doing alot better now,but this last episode really took me down hard...My nerves have been shattered so bad it made me physically sick...depressed ect...For two weeks I tried to sleep life away...I figured if I wasnt awake nothing could hurt me...And every noise would cause me to jump totally in a panic...Use to mom would hide from my dad and Joe when she wanted to say or do something mean...because she didnt want anyone to know but me...But now it dont matter...she'll blast me right in front of everyone...In fact the more attention she can draw the worse she gets....It got to the point that I seriously considered going to the police...the only reason I didnt was because no matter what she does or has ever done....I do respect her....And basically if I done that then I would not be able to see my dad...And I love my daddy so much...He is so different than mom...Although he does try to keep her under control...He cant watch her 24/7 and like I said it dont matter anymore what he says or does to her...If she takes the notion to hurt me she dont care about him...All she focuses on is me and what all she can do and say to rip me apart...Out of everything that happened....What really hurt me the most was the fact that she yelled at my kids and cussed Joe out and told everyone that would listen that I was unfit and trash....Mothers dont treat thier kids like that...I would rather die a million deaths as to ever hurt my kids so badly...

Life has just really been messed up for me recently....
And I know its a pure miracle I didnt have a total nervous breakdown....
Someone once said "When you hit the bottom the only way to go is UP....

Well im going back up....
I just hope she dont figure that out and shoot me back down again any time soon...
I just dont know how much more I can take from her until I reach the breaking point...

I pray everynight that God will go somewhere deep inside of her...to a place that i've never been able to reach...And make her stop....

I remember too clearly the times when I was little she told me she hated me...or that I had ruined her life...or all the hits and punches I took for no reason at all...And I notice that im almost 30 years old now...And it's really time for it to STOP...

Thats always been easier said than done....

Yesturday when we went to pick the boys up from school...the teacher informs me that Rondell is not feeling good...He wasn't his usual active self but didn't seem to be feeling too bad.By the time we got home,which took all of 15 minutes my baby was burning up and totally lifeless...When I felt of his head I was really shocked that he was actually HOT to the touch...not warm....HOT so I hurried and got him to the doctor,It kinda pissed me off that they was acting all concerned and running around,yet was not telling me anything.The first thing they done was start putting wet towels on him....Finally the doctor comes back and says...."His temp is 105....we're giving it 15 minutes to go down or we're calling for an ambulance...."I don't think ever in my life i've felt so helpless.Luckily his temp went down to 102 and they let me bring him home on alot of medication....This morning he was fine....Tonight his temp is going right back up...Which is due to inner ear infection.....

And like this isn't enough,Brady comes home sick today...I'm sick....Joe's sick....LOL.....You know I think even the cat is sick....

When my babies are sick....I keep them right beside me 24-7 so naturally I usually catch everything they do...And then we all end up suffering together....LOL

But thats what it's all about....

 

Okay,Okay Just how long did you guys think I could  away?Not that I was ever really gone...LOL

Soooo much is going on....It seems like were always running and doing something.The kids have turned into total wrestling maniacs on me...which is all cool,until I walk in and catch them drop kicking each other off the bed....Ohh my....I don't have babies anymore thats for sure.And what im starting to notice is alot more fussing and fighting going on....People says this is normal...I guess it is..But they totally keep me on my toes 100% now.The wrestling thing is all cool with me,it's actually bringing Brady out of alot of his shyness.We have been trying to take them to see almost all of the shows that are near by...And in the process we have got to know some of the guys who to my suprise all are really nice people.But im telling you...the first time one of the kids power bombs the other...Im gonna have to think real hard about going back....LOL

I have lots of pics of them with their favorites....heres one...I have more I promised to get on here later.

This is RIOT and the boys.Be sure to go to my links and check out his website,which im very proud of.I had the honor of making it for him,which took alot of time and work...I really poured alot of attention into doing it...So I sneak in once in a while just to see how many visitors he's getting,and if the site is doing as good as I really hope it will....So far it's looking like a success,which makes all my work on it pay off.

I also have two little boys now who wont hardly go out without the bandana's tied around their heads....LOL....."But it looks cooool mommy" Yeah okay....They got me on that one.

Some people would say that wrestling is no atmosphere for little ones to be in...Yeah it can get rough and edgy sometimes...But you know what....From where im standing....All of these guys are super nice...And the kids love them...And when you see your child begin to stand up for itself...have more confidence...and make a huge turn around in personality....then its a good thing...So hell yeah i'll take them to the shows and just between us...Maybe I do like it just a little also

Gotta love Eddie T....He is just way to bad not to love

Geez....I've got alot of catching up to do....And people to see....Seems like forever since I posted....But thank you to everyone who kept coming back and saying hi....It meant alot to me to notice how many really great friends I have.

 

Wow its been a while since I posted.LOL

Kinda drained from all the drama and BS going on.

I just totally lost any and all interest in posting anything.

When something that should be fun turns into a nightmare of childish games then count me out....If I want drama i'll watch T.V if I want to play funny games i'v got 2 kids here at home.

So anyway....Just thought i'd let my friends know that i'm alive.

And everything is good...

And maybe later i'll find the desire to return and post...

Who knows...I'm just totally burned out with everything that has happened which im sure will be allowed to happen again and again and again.

I had a list of people who actually deleted their accounts and left due to one special someone...Although I haven't removed my account,and i'm not saying i'm gone....I have better things to do in life than baby fight and put up with the garbage.....

I'v often wondered who it is that decides that this one person is worth keeping when all of the others who have left was due to their actions.Oh well thats life right...I guess you gotta be a trouble maker to survive...LOL

 

I do come and read my tags and comments...and thank you all for visiting and saying nice things that always brings a smile to my face.I miss you all....

Love-N-Hugs

Becca